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40-day spritual journey and self reflection
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FAITH IS THE SUBSTANCE OF THINGS HOPED FOR,THE EVIDENCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN MAY GOD HAS GRACE AND MERCY ON ANY ONE WHO READS THIS. YES! TODAY IS A GLORIOUS DAY. NOT JUST BECAUSE I WOKE UP THIS MORNING, BUT BECAUSE I HAVE A SOUND MIND TO WRITE ABOUT IT. SO MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED IN MY LIFE SINCE THE LAST TIME I WROTE. I WILL TRY TO BE QUICK AND BRIEF. AND AT THE SAME TIME ASKING GOD TO GUIDE ME IN THE WORD I NEED TO SAY TO GET THESE WEIGHT THAT CAN EASILY BESET ME OFF ME. WELL AS YOU KNOW I FINISHED SCHOOL AND IT WAS A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT IN MY LIFE. AS WELL AS ME HAVE A HUGH DISAPPOINTMENT AND TRAGEDY IN MY LIFE I LOST MY FATHER LAST YEAR AND WELL IT WAS A SIDE TRACK,AND A SET BACK, AS WELL AS A SAD TIME IN MY LIFE HE WAS A GREAT MAN TO ME HE WAS NOT ALWAYS THERE FOR ME IN MY LIFE BUT WHEN HE WAS I FELT AT EASE ABOUT MAKING GOOD AND BAD DECISIONS. HE WAS NOT PERFECT BUT THEN AGAIN NO MAN IS BUT HE WAS ALWAYS GIVING AND GENTLY TOWARDS ME SOMETIMES I MIGHT HAVE NOT LIKED WHAT HE HAD TO SAY BUT I ALWAYS RESPECTED IT. HE ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MATTER WHAT I DID EVEN IF HE WAS MAD HE WASN'T AND HE ALWAYS FORGAVE ME NO MATTER WHAT AND I WAS KIND OF MAD OF THE WAY HE LEFT THE EARTH REALM. HE WAS IN A BAD CAR ACCIDENT BUT WHAT HURT ME THE MOST WAS THAT WE HAD A ARGUEMENT JUST A MONTH BEFORE AND I NEVER GOT TO GO BACK AND APOLIGIZE LIKE I ALWAYS DID SO MANY TIMES BEFORE IT WAS KINDA OF HARD TO MOVE FORWARD KNOW THAT I NEVER REALLY GOT TO APOLOGIZE BUT I DID SOMETHING NO ONE ELSE WAS ABLE TO AND THAT WAS PRAY FOR HIM AND ASK HIM TO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BUT I STILL FELT THAT IT WAS NOT Fair the only man who i knew as my father was gone and i was all alone because my mother! boy is she a different story. but any way let me tell you b4 my father died i was experiencing something i had never experienced b4 and that was building a relationship with GOD the almighty FATHER it was not until i was 28 yrs that i began to build a life with JESUS and getting to know who GOD was and it was awesome no i will not sit here and say that i have recieved the holy spirit but what i have done was bask in the presence of GOD many times . It is so hard to continue when my father dies it was like at 1st i was missing on service then i was missing two but i still was having the conviction in my heart about not going then i sarted to be overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness and fear i started to not be able to deal with my job or the workers knowing they didn't want me there i would find myself crying over this but it was not like i have not experienced this before i am a female working in the construction and i know how these old guys are but the spirit of fear settled on me then i started drinking and smoking cigarettes and cussing and by then i was ready to run back into the church i had to be there and when i got there i felt a feeling of safety and security i felt a feeling of being safe when i got there i never knew that i would have been so ready to say YES to god and his will but i am i told him this time i am not i will not leave until i can see his face i want him to come down and sit with me in the cool of the day i want him to sit on the corner of my bed and visit with me some time in life we walk through in a rush and don't stop and enjoy the things that we know contribute to memories like a walk in the park with our kids and seeing a new flower bloom i now know what it is to be loved unconditionally ..... because God has kept me covered in my life and FAITH IS THE EVIDENCE OF THINGS HOPED FOR AND THE SUBSTANCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN ..... nothing is finalSo i am sitting here pondering what is the last step in this long drawn out process of life where do i go form here and where do i turn better yet who do i turn to and i know that there is only one person who can help me and that is GOD i tried to make life work with out him and it does move forward but as it moves forward it drags and it doesn't seems to quiet play out the way u want it 2 unless u put god first in everything u do so many times in my life i had failed to realize that it is GOD who has the last and final say not me i might want thing s to go this way and that way but if he does not want it to play out it won't so i have learned that in this year . it has been 3 years since i have given my life to christ and the road has not been smooth at all i have lost cars, jobs ,and friends i even felt like i had lost myself for a moment but thur it all it was his grace and mercy that saw me thur the tough times i know it is all worth iti and it will pay off in the long run but me being human i want immediate gradification for all my problems with out giving god the Thanks for all that he has brought me through and i know that it is not right i have to give hime his praise, honor and glory before i can even think about any thing else but it can be hard to give up what we want from the world to settle for godly contentment and know that that is enough we all fall short to his glory we are not perfect but i guess it is striving to be like christ is what makes me feel so secure with the decisions i make in my life or being able to deal with the circumstances of the problems i face i never knew what it was like to be so confident and assure of my self until i made the commitment to try and walk on the righteous path but even in my endeavors i still fall short but i guess knowing that he will never leave or frsake me it keeps me prayful and keeps me trying the next day it is funny how we think all of our lives we know everything but then find out we don't know it all we make a plan to do things one way but it never works out that way it always changes from one day to the next so for now i can only live for 2day and hope for 2 morrow I AM SOGLAD IT IS OVER OCTOBER 18 2008
I AM SO GLAD THIS IS OVER I FINAL FINISHED SCHOOL AND AM GLAD THAT I CAN DO SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I MISS I WISH I HAD MORE FRIENDS OUT THERE IN SPACE WERE ARE THE PEOPLE AND WHY HAVEN'T ANY ONE VISITED MY PAGE I WISH I KNOW HOW 2 NAVIGATE THINGS ON MY PAGE SO ICOULD EXPRESS MORE OF MY SELF WELL I DEFITNILY WILL BE CHECKING OUT THE SIGHTS MORE almost finish nursing schoolIt is 7:54 am and i am in class today i never thought... this time would come i am at the count down for my career to start i worked so hard for this and god has answered my prays i never thought that i would study this much in my life i was one of those poeple who hated school and now i enjoy recieving knowledge b- cause nobody can take it form you stuggle are going to lessen in my life who doesn't want that the students in my class are so cool even thoght i only met them a few weeks ago i embraced the opportunity to do anything productive with my time i know i have not bolgged a lot lately but my life was flipped upside down and now i know that things are atarting to work out i can sstart to get it in with the WWW... well until next time i am out KEEPING MY EYES ON JESUSAPRIL 11TH 2008
TODAY HAS BEEN KINDA OF STRANGE I OFTEN WONDER WERE I AM GOING IN LIFE I KNOW THAT I AM GOING TO STRUGGLE IN MY LIFE BUT WHY HAVE SO MANY UPSETS CAME ALL AT ONE TIME I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH LIFE ON LIF E ON LIFE'S TERMS BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO CATCH A BREAK MY KIDDS ARE DOING GOOD AND I AM HANG ON BY A THREAD IN SCHOOL AND I NEED TO FIND A JOB WHEN YO MAKE MISTAKES IN LIFE YOU THINK THAT WHEN YOU START TO DO THE RIGHT THING PEOPLE WOULD LOOK AT YOUR LIFE BY WHAT YOU HAVE DON AFTER THE MISTAKE BUT THAT IS SO UNTRUE THEY JUST LOOK AT WHAT YOU USE TO DO I OFTEN WON DER IF I WOULD HAVE DONE THINGS DIFFERENT IF IT WOULD BE MORE EASIER OR WOULD IT BE HARD I DON'T HAVE MANY PEOPLE TO TURN TO BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IT IS BETTER THAT WAY BECAUSE IT IS HARD TO TRUST PEOPLE NOW AND TODAY BUT YOU KKNOW WHAT I WANT THE ADVENTURE THAT MOST PEOPLE WANT OUT OF LIFE BUT I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THAT RIGHT PERSON TO EXPERIENCE LIFE WITH OT THAT I AM LOOKING RIGHT NOW BUT DAMN IT WOULD BE FUN O HAVE A FRIEND TO CONFIDE IN AND SHARE MY MOST DEEPEST SECRETS WITH CALL ME OPTIMISTIC BUT ARE THERE ANY REAL PEOPLE OUT THERE OR NOT I KNOW THAT I HAVE A FRIEND IN JESUS AND MAYBE FOR RIGHT NOW THAT IS ALL I NEED. SIMPLY TOYA WHAT A GIRL WANTSWHAT MUST I DO TO GET THE THINGS I WANT IN MY LIFE SOMETIMES IT IS HARD TO WALK ON THIS SPIRITUAL WALK THAT I AM ON I KNOW I HAVE NOT BEEN UP HERE FOR A WHILE AND I CAN ONLY SAY THAT I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH IT LIFE HAS BEEN DOING IT OWN THANG IN MY REALM WELL FOR STARTERS I LOST MY CAR AND MY JOB AND NOW THAT I HAVE ACCEPTED THIS LITTLE UPSETS NEW ONES HAVE STARTED I HAVE BEEN PRAYING TO GOD ASKING FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE AND NOW THAT I THINK HE SENT IT TO ME I FIND MYSELF ASKING IS THIS THE RIGHT CHOICE I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY BLESSING BUT SOME TIMES I WONDER AM I WORTHY OF THE GIFTS THAT I AM DESTINE TO RECIEVE I HAVE MET SOME ONE AND I KNOW THAT HE IS MY SOULMATE BUT HOW DO YOU BREAK THE MONOTONY OF KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HURT BY THE PEOPLE YOU PICK AS FRIEND OR MAYBE GOD SET IT UP SO THAT I WOULD LEARN HOW TO LOVE THE PERSON WHO WAS MEANT FOR ME I DON'T WANT TO BE SCARED AND I KNOW THAT I AM A GOOD PERSON AND I ALWAYS DEAL WITH LIFE ON LIFE TERMS I DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR MY SHORTCOMINGS THEY JUST ARE WHEN YOU GO THROUGH LIFE AND YOU ARE CONSTANTLY HELPING PEOPLE YOU YOU NEVER GET TRIED BUT YOU WONDER WHEN WILL YOU HAVE YOUR TURN IN LIFE THIS IS ALL REAL TALK I KNOW THAT THERE IS SOME ONE OUT THERE WHO KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO RESPONED I DON'T GET NO PEOPLE VEIWING THIS SIGHT SOME ONE MUST BE ABLE TO RELATE TO ME AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER I JUST NEED A FRIEND I GUESS LONG GONEWHAT IS THE DEAL I KNOW I HAVE NOT WROTE IN A WHILE BUT I HAVE HAD A LOT GOING ON I MOVED TO A NEW LOCATION AND I WAS A GOOD THANG BUT I JUST GOT SETTLED IN AFTER A MONTH BUT IT IS JUST RIGHT NOW I AM BACK IN SCHOOL AFTER A VERY ;ONG VACATION AND I HAVE NOT JUMPED BACK IN THE SADDLE YET I CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE NOT MADE ANY FRIENDS OUT THERE YET WELL I HAVE BEEN GOING TO CHURCH FAITHFULLY AND I OFTEN WONDER IF THIS IS WHERE I BELONG IN MY LIFE AT THIS TIME I KNOW GOD IS DEALING WITH ME I HAVE TO JUST BE SUBMISSIVE TO HIM BUT IT IS HARD I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT WELL I GUESS THAT COMES FROM MY LIFE OF BEING SO INDEPENDENT THAT I THINK I CAN DO EVERYTHING ON MY OWN BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS MORE POWERFULLY THAN ME AND HE IS GOING TOP GET A YES OUT OF ME SOME HOW. WELL I HAVE A CRUSH ON SOME ONE AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT IT YET SO WHAT IS A GIRL TO DO I KNOW THAT IT IS KINDA OF CORNY HAVING A SCHOOL GIRL CRUSH ..... Back in the swing of thingsJanuary 26,2008 I KNOW THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN ON MY SPACE PAGE IN A WHILE BUT I HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON IN LIFE RIGHT NOW I AM ABOUT TO MOVE IN A NEW PLACE I AM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL; AFTER A REALLY LONG VACATION CAN'T WAIT TO BE BACK DOING WHAT IT DO. I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT I COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS DUDE HIT ME AND TOTALED MY CAR OUT SO I WILL BE WITH OUT MY OWN TRANSPORTATION FOR A WHILE BUT GOD MAKES AWAY OUT OF NO WAY MANY DAYS HAVE GONE BY AND I HAVE NOT PICKED UP A NEWPORT IN 5 DAYS TOTALLY GOD NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW.I AM ABOUT TO START DOING A DIET BUT I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND I WANT TO DO I KNOW THAT I WANT SOME THING THAT IS HEALTHY SO IF ANYONE HAS ANY IDEALS LET ME KNOW. I WISH I KNEW IF THIS WAS GETTING OUT THERE FOR PEOPLE TO GET BACK BUT I AM STILL NEW TO THIS. today was not the best of the weekFOR IT TO BE THE SECOND DAY OF THE NEW YEAR I AM HAVING A REALLY BAD AND GOOD DAY IT STARTED OUT THAT I WAS IN SCHOOL TO MAKE UP A FINAL AND OF COURSE I PASTED I HAVE 2 B'S AND A C+ OF COURSE I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER BUT I CAN'T COMPLAIN BEING A SINGLE MOTHER AND WORKING TWO JOBS AND GOING TO SCHOOL SOME TIMES I WANT TO KNOW WHERE I GET MY STRENGHT FROM BUT I KNOW THAT IT ISN'T ANY ONE BUT GOD DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST AND IT NEVER FAILS TO SURPRISE ME OF HOW MY DAY CAN BE GOING SO AWESOME AND THEN IT WILL TAKE A TURN FOR THE WORST BUT BELIEVE IT OR NOT WE DO LIVE IN A PERFECT WORLD BUT THINGS JUST HAPPEN FOR A REASON AND PEOPLE CAN'T SEE IT SOME TIMES. AND TODAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS FOR ME I WAS KINDA OF FEELING LIKE EVERYTHING I WAS DOING WAS INVAIN BUT THEN AGAIN I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT I GUESS I JUST WANT IMMEDIATE GRADIFICATION FOR WHAT I DO EVEN WHAN I KNOW THAT THERE IS A PROCESS FOR WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH HAPPY NEW YEARDEC 28 07
WELL HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL DOES ANY ONE KNOW HOW THEIR YEAR IS GOING TO START OYT WELL AS FOR ME I AM HOPING THIS IS THE YEAR I MEET MY SOULMATE I HOPE THAT GOD WILL FIND IT IN HIS DIVINE BEING TO BLESS ME WITH THE ONE THAT WAS MEANT FOR ME GROUP IS GOING VERY WELL I HOPE THAT SOME OF THE LADIES WILL STAY FOCUSED AND CONTINUE TO STAY IN THIER SOBRIETY SOME TIME WE AS HUMAN BEING FORGET TO THANK GOD FOR HAVE THE SMALL TINGS IN LIFE SO THIS YEAR I PLAN TO STAY IN TUNED WITH WHAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT FOR ME AND HOW THINGS WILL MAKE ME FEEL WEN I AM OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE IWANT TO SIT DOWN AND TAKE A LOAD OFF MYSELF AND DO MORE FOR ME AS WELL AS EVERYONE ELSE THAT WANTS MY HELP TO ME 2008 IS YEAR OF NEW BEGINNINGS AND WITH ALL THAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD WE NEED TO APPRECIATE WHAT WE HAVE FOR TODAY
this book is helping me b cuz i an running a all womens group with another friend
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